HANSEL & GRETEL WITCH HUNTERS - a provincial shot in the arm

I knew as soon as the theater ticket ripper handed me my stub and said "Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters, theater 10" that I had made a big mistake. This movie can have no explanation for its existence. Unless it was some kind of reified joke bet. I did notice that Will Ferrell was one of the producers. 

Witch Hunters may remind you of some weirdo productions made in the 60's now well known for their cult status. It's one of those films that is so baffling in concept that its hard to imagine anyone signing off on the checks to produce it. Why Jeremy Renner agreed to do this I'll never know but somehow I like the fact that he did. Let me explain. First of all the film could have nixed the whole Hansel and Gretel bit and just made a witch hunter movie. That would have increased its viability 100 percent. I don't think Hansel and Gretel is a profitable marketing ploy at all which makes the whole idea rather hilarious. I mean, good god, you have this Hansel character from the 19th century that needs to take insulin injections because a witch fed him too much candy when he was trapped in her house. That is f**king funny. You also have absurd weaponry and hideous witches that can do all sorts of crazy magic but simply cant kill two humans. The humans have no powers themselves but can resist direct spells, I guess, but even that wasn't consistent. If I was a witch I would just craft a rock out of thin air and have it fall on Hansel (cough) and be done with it. My favorite character was Edward, the coolest troll ever. His animatronics were spectacular and contributed some value to the ticket price. As bad as it was, Witch Hunters ended up being hard to resist. Razzies will abound. 

You may ask why I even bothered. The answer is easy—I have no freakin idea. As it may be obvious, I am addicted to cinema for better or worse. Oh well, despite the utter inanity before me I happened to enjoy myself. I was entertained with hysterical bouts of laughter of the plentiful kind. Get ready for rated R ridiculousness.

Recommended Viewing: The Bourne Legacy - Dahmer - Tamara Drewe

              Bob Scale: The Critic: 3.5   -   The Fan: 6.4

             MetaCritic: 18

 Rotten Tomatoes: 18

                    IMDB: 6.5

THE BOURNE LEGACY - treadstone can eat my shorts

I must say, I'm a fan of the Bourne series. The first one was a solid action movie from the under appreciated Doug Liman; the following two crafted by the phenomenal Paul Greengrass are nothing short of fantastic via the greatest authority on shaky cam. The new Bourne, directed by Tony Gilroy and acted to perfection by Jeremy Renner was my favorite one yet. 

Some may watch this film and be disappointed. There is not as much action and the pacing is slower than the previous films. That, though, is generally characteristic of good cinema. The action sequences and frantic gun battles are absolutely enthralling because the film took ample time letting us get to know the the characters and didn't bombard us with unnecessary fight scenes and what have you. Therefore, when the action does take place you become transported into the scene and are riveted.

I haven't read the Robert Ludlum novels but numerous sources have told me that these films are the very rare instances when the movies are equal to, if not better than the books. I don't believe such contrasts should be drawn, but alas, they will always be inevitable. They are two different mediums and art forms - books and movies - their merit should be judged within their own form. Anyway, you will get probably the best action movie of the year, fantastic, cryptic dialogue, disturbingly real fight scenes, cool new science initiatives in super soldier pharmacology, and no nicely wrapped up ending - there has to be a sequel coming! 

Recommended Viewing: The Bourne Trilogy - Go - United 93

              Bob Scale: Objective: 8.5   -   Subjective: 9.0

             MetaCritic: 61

 Rotten Tomatoes: 53

                    IMDB: 7.6

THE AVENGERS - fanboy paradise

Joss Whedon has done it (with much help, I suspect). The Avengers was loads of fun, action packed and genuinely amusing.

For those out there that could care less about superheroes, comics and the plethora of blockbuster movies with their sequels over the past decade, this one is for you. If you don't leave the theater appreciating superheroes and their relative appeal, I much doubt that you ever will.

This film will surely please anyone even remotely interested in comics and their celluloid counterparts. The Avengers contains a number of little inside jokes, cameos and marvel esoterica that will likely appease the hardcore fans as well as catering to an audience of fresh recruits.

All the characters, old and new, converge in a rather simple yet perfect story for platitudinous display - good vs evil. The movie takes place on virtually only 2 sets - a giant flying airship and Manhattan. Both of which are summarily destroyed - rightly so. The Avengers is unsophisticated in scope and execution but this is not really to its discredit. You have heroes, some supernatural, some not, who have some initial qualms about linking up as a team but ultimately they must overcome their own internal conflicts and come together to combat the unambiguous evil that pervades. The humor gives the entertainment value even higher points and doubtless charm. The Hulk and Iron Man are case in point for a perfect comedic pair. I hope they make a movie together! Loki's helmet and Samuel L. Jackson's robotic acting are about the only complaints I would muster. The special effects were great, nonstop and perfectly suited to this heroic extravaganza. A great movie? Depends on your definition. Probably No. A great super hero movie? A definitive Yes. One of the best.

Recommended Viewing: X-Men II - The Punisher (1989) - Batman (1989)

              Bob Scale: Objective: 7.9   -   Subjective: 8.6

             MetaCritic: 69

 Rotten Tomatoes: 93

                      IMDB: 8.8