RED DAWN - a new level of dumb

Let me first submit that the original Red Dawn from 1984 was as ridiculous as this new monstrosity. Yet, somehow, like many 80's films, you can join in the fun without feeling like an idiot. 

This Red Dawn remake consists of multifarious issues right from the get go. The producers decided to shoot for the young teen demographic which was a blathering mistake. Many of the actors are becoming well known but are directed poorly. Most obvious, though, is the glaring incongruity with any feasible sense of reality. Either the North Koreans are the most incompetent war criminals ever or the filmmakers are. 

It's a facile but splendid film narrative, in principle at least. North Koreans make a surprise landing on American soil and try to take over the whole country. Sure. A group of teens escape the initial takeover and jettison to the woods where they train themselves to be relentless disruptive warriors. Sure. I'll admit that I love the idea—a total filmic fantasy. Almost anyone could be given this script and make an awesome movie—everything is in the idea of everyday joes taking back their land—with lots of guns and C4 no doubt.  However, you have to engage the audience with some conception of verisimilitude. This new film doesn't even try—and so becomes laughable and just downright irritating. The insurgents continually break into the army camp and surreptitiously vacate but we never see how. They also walk around in big groups with guns! Not conspicuous at all. There are myriad egregious errors of this kind. You will walk out feeling like your intelligence has just been assaulted by repeated billy club bashings.

Recommended Viewing: Red Dawn (1984) - Dr. Strangelove - Road House :) Yes :) Road House

              Bob Scale: The Critic: 3.0   -   The Fan: 4.4

             MetaCritic: 38

 Rotten Tomatoes: 11

                    IMDB: 5.8

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN - the forecast is bleak

There was a movie in there somewhere but it never really quite found itself. From first time director Rupert Sanders, who has literally never directed anything at all before except a few commercials, comes a fantasy tale that advertises it's lack of experience at every turn. One wonders what this guy did to get such a high profile job right out of the box.

The trailer seduced me - I was actually pretty excited to see this. Unfortunately, by the end, I felt that it was quite poorly made, badly acted and contained and irksome flow. It just didn't feel right. Charlize Theron is usually quite good in her roles but here it felt as if every scene required her to become incensed and riveted with anger - she did not pull this off well. Kristen Stewart was duly composed but only seemed to convey two emotions - courage and empathy. Thor himself was likable and most likely stole the best scenes. The queens right hand man (her bother) was the most inept idiot to ever grace the screen and I'm glad he got what was coming to him. 

Snow White and The Huntsman was a very dark fantasy story with few moments of real levity. Nevertheless, the actors chosen for the dwarven men were a clever choice and appeared positively real. Some great special effects are mixed in with some kitschy dollar store items though - look at the crown towards the end! Overall, a TV movie from the 90's and blockbuster combination that ceased to amaze and continually disappoint. Too bad because it had such promise.

PS - I also caught Piranha 3DD this week but would rather gouge my eyes with a steak knife and completely engage Hara Kiri than waste my time reviewing the atrocity that was purported as film. Piranha from a couple years back had at least some redeeming qualities. If you want to see David Hasselhoff (yes for real) act like a fool and Gary Busey get eaten alive then go for it. I like bad movies but I don't even know what to make of this one. It was beyond abject.

Recommended Viewing: The Yellow Handkerchief - Monster - Excalibur

              Bob Scale: Objective: 6.0   -   Subjective: 6.5

             MetaCritic: 57

 Rotten Tomatoes: 45

                      IMDB: 6.9

THE AVENGERS - fanboy paradise

Joss Whedon has done it (with much help, I suspect). The Avengers was loads of fun, action packed and genuinely amusing.

For those out there that could care less about superheroes, comics and the plethora of blockbuster movies with their sequels over the past decade, this one is for you. If you don't leave the theater appreciating superheroes and their relative appeal, I much doubt that you ever will.

This film will surely please anyone even remotely interested in comics and their celluloid counterparts. The Avengers contains a number of little inside jokes, cameos and marvel esoterica that will likely appease the hardcore fans as well as catering to an audience of fresh recruits.

All the characters, old and new, converge in a rather simple yet perfect story for platitudinous display - good vs evil. The movie takes place on virtually only 2 sets - a giant flying airship and Manhattan. Both of which are summarily destroyed - rightly so. The Avengers is unsophisticated in scope and execution but this is not really to its discredit. You have heroes, some supernatural, some not, who have some initial qualms about linking up as a team but ultimately they must overcome their own internal conflicts and come together to combat the unambiguous evil that pervades. The humor gives the entertainment value even higher points and doubtless charm. The Hulk and Iron Man are case in point for a perfect comedic pair. I hope they make a movie together! Loki's helmet and Samuel L. Jackson's robotic acting are about the only complaints I would muster. The special effects were great, nonstop and perfectly suited to this heroic extravaganza. A great movie? Depends on your definition. Probably No. A great super hero movie? A definitive Yes. One of the best.

Recommended Viewing: X-Men II - The Punisher (1989) - Batman (1989)

              Bob Scale: Objective: 7.9   -   Subjective: 8.6

             MetaCritic: 69

 Rotten Tomatoes: 93

                      IMDB: 8.8

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS - evil dead resurrected

I think MC Escher would have lent his design talent towards this film. It had many twists, turns, ups, downs, all in a jumbled mess of near incoherence in addition to a plethora of nonsensical phantasmagoria. And that is precisely what makes this movie a small treasure of sorts.

Joss Whedon, writer of Toy Story and director of the upcoming Avengers, penned this bizarro tale. The story is quite epic in scale and in my opinion, could have truly shined so much more as a TV series. There were just too many good ideas on display here to be conflated in under two hours. I really believe this could have been the next Lost if allotted the proper amount of time and energy.

Despite the fun time at the movies feel that The Cabin In The Woods certainly provides, it comes up short as a solid work of art. Most people know that comedy and horror find an interesting and rather advantageous balance in the best of the horror genre. In Cabin, the horror seems to underwhelm and the comedy seems to overwhelm, which is to say, I believe the right balance was not struck. I really admire what Whedon and others tried to do here, it was high camp obviously inspired by Sam Raimi's Evil Dead, parts 2 and 3.  I will be in the minority here but I found the first Evil Dead to be the most effective and overall the best of the three because it emphasized the horror and not the comedy. Don't get me wrong, I love the comic bits when they feel right but not when they feel forced and take you out of the experience. The pothead (comic relief character) was good but not great with delivery and that, i think, could have been easily fixed with better direction.

A movie to see in the theater with friends for sure, I have no doubt that most will have a good time but critics and fans alike need to quit calling movies smart just because they seem to be clever and original. The Cabin In The Woods has a long way to go to reach the heights of say - The Shining.

Recommended Viewing: Evil Dead - Cube - Drag Me To Hell

              Bob Scale: Objective: 7.0   -   Subjective: 7.5

             MetaCritic: 73

 Rotten Tomatoes: 92

                      IMDB: 7.6