PARKER - pull over and then just keep going

I was not excited to see this, mostly because I think Jason Statham is a hack action star. He hasn't starred in one action film centered on him that is really good or even comes close to the greats like Die Hard or Rambo. We have Crank, Transporter, The Mechanic and so on which are probably his best but then we have a slew of others that are barley worth your time like Safe, Blitz and War. He is the Tyler Perry of action. Two or three movies a year, all of which you can bet will suck. 

I went to see this because I respect Taylor Hackford's work. He crafted Dolores Claiborne, The Devil's Advocate, and An Officer and a Gentleman.  His latest, Parker, has Statham  as a shady thief like character that helps organize heists. Larceny ensues. Some of his cohorts turn on him and leave him for dead. He then comes back to life for revenge. Obviously. Sweet cheeks J Lo enters (who still looks mighty fine) to help him on his quest. Cohorts plan to steal jewels. Statham plans to throw a wrench. Can you guess how this plays out? 

That said, the movie wasn't terrible. Not Statham's worst nor Hackford's best but somewhere in the middle. It was fun to see two TV stars from The Wire and The Shield play bad guys who happened to be good guy cops in the aforementioned shows. Some of the acting was quite bad though, and some of the script. Did I mention the gorilla man Nick Nolte makes an appearance?! His voice gets worse every film and his rhinoceros head looks twice the size of Statham's when they are next to each other. Too much smoking and drinking has deemed this poor man the next John Merrick. Can't really recommend it but if you have nothing else to do, head to the local cinema for a quick action fix.

Recommended Viewing: Transporter - The Devil's Advocate - Selena

              Bob Scale: The Critic: 5.8   -   The Fan: 6.0

             MetaCritic: 45

 Rotten Tomatoes: 37

                    IMDB: 6.3

THE EXPENDABLES 2 - testosterone squared

Most guys, I would dare to assume, have some inner desire to blow shit up, be the biggest badass on the block, have the greatest stature with the biggest muscles, the balls to go headfirst into ultra dangerous situations with giddy composure, and all the while destroy, wreak havoc and kill everything in sight. We all have fightin genes. The Expendables sequel fulfills those impulses to become an uber manly man man man. 

This is a movie you have to be older to enjoy. You have to go in with a load (about 30 years) of previous action movie experiences to get the full benefit. It requires a certain amount of fanboy love and childhood awe for maximum enjoyment. 

The whole film, I could barely help myself from conjuring a smile because seeing all these great ole action stars together in one place brings with it, much humor and nostalgia. I was not expecting a very good film overall - I did not care for the first one - but I ended up enjoying this one. It's still not a very good movie; many times the script is piss poor juxtaposed to a weak linear storyline but who cares, I guess, you get to see Chuck Norris sniping bad guys from afar while Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis are spinning out of control in a tiny Euro car unloading giant,  deafening machine guns on dozens of inferior minions all the while Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Cluade Van Damme have an epic fight scene to the death!!! At points I felt that these guys were so jacked and full of steroids that even their facial muscles had muscles which affected their talking ability. This movie is a pipe dream for guys with one female thrown in for good measure. You will get plenty of vintage one liners, lots of bloody, ridiculous action stunts and a virtual panoply of forgotten greats.

Recommended Viewing: Die Hard - Rambo - Rocky IV - The Terminator - Bloodsport - Delta Force

              Bob Scale: Objective: 6.2   -   Subjective: 7.8

             MetaCritic: 54

 Rotten Tomatoes: 64

                    IMDB: 8.0