Monday, January 28, 2013

HANSEL & GRETEL WITCH HUNTERS - a provincial shot in the arm

I knew as soon as the theater ticket ripper handed me my stub and said "Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters, theater 10" that I had made a big mistake. This movie can have no explanation for its existence. Unless it was some kind of reified joke bet. I did notice that Will Ferrell was one of the producers. 

Witch Hunters may remind you of some weirdo productions made in the 60's now well known for their cult status. It's one of those films that is so baffling in concept that its hard to imagine anyone signing off on the checks to produce it. Why Jeremy Renner agreed to do this I'll never know but somehow I like the fact that he did. Let me explain. First of all the film could have nixed the whole Hansel and Gretel bit and just made a witch hunter movie. That would have increased its viability 100 percent. I don't think Hansel and Gretel is a profitable marketing ploy at all which makes the whole idea rather hilarious. I mean, good god, you have this Hansel character from the 19th century that needs to take insulin injections because a witch fed him too much candy when he was trapped in her house. That is f**king funny. You also have absurd weaponry and hideous witches that can do all sorts of crazy magic but simply cant kill two humans. The humans have no powers themselves but can resist direct spells, I guess, but even that wasn't consistent. If I was a witch I would just craft a rock out of thin air and have it fall on Hansel (cough) and be done with it. My favorite character was Edward, the coolest troll ever. His animatronics were spectacular and contributed some value to the ticket price. As bad as it was, Witch Hunters ended up being hard to resist. Razzies will abound. 

You may ask why I even bothered. The answer is easy—I have no freakin idea. As it may be obvious, I am addicted to cinema for better or worse. Oh well, despite the utter inanity before me I happened to enjoy myself. I was entertained with hysterical bouts of laughter of the plentiful kind. Get ready for rated R ridiculousness.

Recommended Viewing: The Bourne Legacy - Dahmer - Tamara Drewe

              Bob Scale: The Critic: 3.5   -   The Fan: 6.4
             MetaCritic: 18
 Rotten Tomatoes: 18
                    IMDB: 6.5

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